Daily calendar: Water the plants; walk the dog; break up with significant other
Okay, while ending a relationship is hardly at the top of anybodys daily calendar, the fact is that when a relationship has gone sour, someone has to make the move to end it. The truth is that many relationships last long beyond the expire by date just because breaking up is hard to do.
Sometimes break ups occur simply because the relationship has petered out to the point neither one even cares. Sometimes they end in dramatic fashion with some great flash of anger and clothing being thrown out of a second story window. Neither is dignified nor civil. If you want to end the relationship, do it with honesty and dignity. Take steps so that neither party is hurt badly.
Have it clear in your mind that this is what you want. The immediate reason you think you want to end the relationship may not be the real reason, it might just be a symptom. Give it much concentrated thought and you will isolate the real reasons. Then you must be honest. When you talk to your partner you must be honest to them and to you.
Unless you are in a long distance relationship, schedule time to be together to have this discussion. If long distance does separate you and you can't get together in the near future, this may have to be done on the phone. It is better sooner than to postpone it. This discussion should be respectful and you should dignify your partner by having it in person whenever possible. It should never be in an e-mail or a text message. Not only would that be undignified, it would be cruel.
Be empathetic. This is a difficult conversation for both parties. If you want to remain friends, fine, but it has to be with the proviso all romantic ties are over. Don't put your partner on defense; be compassionate. Tell them you have learned much and will cherish memories you share. You need to "be there" during this talk because you want to compassionately respond to them if they become very emotional.
Dont take anything personally when ending a relationship. Your partner may say things they dont really mean. Let these words roll off of your back. Your partner may need to meet with you more than once to conclude the relationship. Or, they may need space. Give your ex what they need to get through the transition time.
Making you feel guilty may become the aim of your ex, but avoid this feeling. You are about to start a new chapter in your life and it no longer includes a romantic relationship with your ex. It is good to maintain a positive relationship of some sort, but if you ended the relationship for honest reasons, it is in both your best interests.
Will you ever get back together. Only the two of you can decide. Most relationships can be saved but both parties have to work at it, and conditions must be met. If you are both willing to do the work necessary to repair the relationship, you will become a stronger couple. But if the break up is final, honesty, civility and dignity require that you both walk away and move on.
Okay, while ending a relationship is hardly at the top of anybodys daily calendar, the fact is that when a relationship has gone sour, someone has to make the move to end it. The truth is that many relationships last long beyond the expire by date just because breaking up is hard to do.
Sometimes break ups occur simply because the relationship has petered out to the point neither one even cares. Sometimes they end in dramatic fashion with some great flash of anger and clothing being thrown out of a second story window. Neither is dignified nor civil. If you want to end the relationship, do it with honesty and dignity. Take steps so that neither party is hurt badly.
Have it clear in your mind that this is what you want. The immediate reason you think you want to end the relationship may not be the real reason, it might just be a symptom. Give it much concentrated thought and you will isolate the real reasons. Then you must be honest. When you talk to your partner you must be honest to them and to you.
Unless you are in a long distance relationship, schedule time to be together to have this discussion. If long distance does separate you and you can't get together in the near future, this may have to be done on the phone. It is better sooner than to postpone it. This discussion should be respectful and you should dignify your partner by having it in person whenever possible. It should never be in an e-mail or a text message. Not only would that be undignified, it would be cruel.
Be empathetic. This is a difficult conversation for both parties. If you want to remain friends, fine, but it has to be with the proviso all romantic ties are over. Don't put your partner on defense; be compassionate. Tell them you have learned much and will cherish memories you share. You need to "be there" during this talk because you want to compassionately respond to them if they become very emotional.
Dont take anything personally when ending a relationship. Your partner may say things they dont really mean. Let these words roll off of your back. Your partner may need to meet with you more than once to conclude the relationship. Or, they may need space. Give your ex what they need to get through the transition time.
Making you feel guilty may become the aim of your ex, but avoid this feeling. You are about to start a new chapter in your life and it no longer includes a romantic relationship with your ex. It is good to maintain a positive relationship of some sort, but if you ended the relationship for honest reasons, it is in both your best interests.
Will you ever get back together. Only the two of you can decide. Most relationships can be saved but both parties have to work at it, and conditions must be met. If you are both willing to do the work necessary to repair the relationship, you will become a stronger couple. But if the break up is final, honesty, civility and dignity require that you both walk away and move on.
About the Author:
Antonio MacGynn writes articles for About the Family, a website dedicated to family issues. Most broken relationships can be repaired if the subconscious motivators that unite couples are understood. Sadly, most individuals taking steps to repair the relationship instinctively do exactly the wrong things at the wrong time. Learn how you can avoid these wrong steps and you can Repair the Relationship
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